{"id":12108,"date":"2019-04-09T17:55:32","date_gmt":"2019-04-10T00:55:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.therightbrainstudio.com\/?p=12108"},"modified":"2019-04-09T17:55:32","modified_gmt":"2019-04-10T00:55:32","slug":"droga5-should-have-swiped-left","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.therightbrainstudio.com\/blog\/droga5-should-have-swiped-left\/","title":{"rendered":"Droga5 Should Have Swiped Left"},"content":{"rendered":"

On April 3, 2019, Adweek reported that \u201c<\/em>Droga5, the creative agency known for its acclaimed campaigns for brands like Chase, Google, HBO, IHOP, The New York Times and Under Armour, has agreed to be acquired in full by Accenture Interactive, the marketing arm of international consulting firm Accenture.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

April 10, 2020<\/p>\n

Dear Droga5,<\/p>\n

The haters said it would never work. That we were just too different to get along. But you\u2019re the yin to my yang. The right brain to my left brain. You complete me! I couldn\u2019t be a nerd all my life, I needed you!\u00a0 It\u2019s still hard for me to believe, but there are still people out there who don\u2019t think analytics are sexy. But you put the art in my algorithms. You quicken the pulse of my quant. You put the magic in my metrics.<\/p>\n

I loved you just the way you were. But is it asking too much that you change? For me<\/em>? Just a little?<\/p>\n

Sure, I wooed you with promises of unbridled freedom. And grand, public pronouncements on how our marriage would be the most epic ever! It was such a romantic time, back when we were on a \u201cjourney to build a new agency model\u2026one with the power to engineer transformative brand experiences and infuse those experiences with the emotional and inspirational power of brand thinking and creativity.\u201d<\/p>\n

Okay, fine, better sentences have been written. I get it \u2013 I\u2019m the numbers guy and I should leave writing and all the other creative to you. But you have to understand, we were in control then and we\u2019re in control now. Did you really think we were serious about letting you do whatever you want? Drinks with your friends after work? Long weekends away with your besties? Come on \u2013 no one can be that na\u00efve.<\/p>\n

You were so cute when you said, “We were independent from compromise, from being commoditized by a holding company and being squeezed for efficiencies, but they are not buying us to milk money out of us\u2014but for our thinking. I’m betting that what we do together I’ll enjoy more than our independence.”<\/p>\n

Precious! You just can\u2019t make that stuff up!<\/p>\n

I know we\u2019ve hit a rough spot now. You say you\u2019re sorry that you ever met me, but do you really mean it? I can\u2019t believe that you now feel cheap after I paid you a dowry of $300 million. You couldn’t have done it just for the money. Didn\u2019t you find me attractive? Aren\u2019t I still sexy to you?<\/p>\n

It must have been such fun for you to make all those little 30-second movies you\u2019re so proud of. So cute! And you even won awards for them! But didn\u2019t you understand that playtime was over when we tied the knot?<\/p>\n

Wasn\u2019t my superiority evident to you? I\u2019m a serious person. A grownup. I work! I\u2019m no film school dropout or wannabe novelist. I wasn\u2019t off watching art films and smoking dope in high school. I was home with my tutor studying for my SAT\u2019s, practicing the cello, working on my science project and volunteering to help the poor. Obviously, some of that was just resume padding, especially the part about helping the poor, those lazy ingrates. They wouldn\u2019t be waiting in soup kitchen lines now had they listened to their tutors, college coaches and psychotherapists. And why in the world didn\u2019t their parents get them more time on standardized tests? But I digress.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t sit around and \u201cideate\u201d or do make-believe research called focus groups or obsess about how ironically hip my t-shirt and ripped jeans are or talk about how I\u2019m an artist and nobody gets me. I do real work for a living! Math is involved! And sometimes I crank out 85-page PowerPoints with mind-numbing charts with boxes and arrows, jam-packed with copy and lots and lots of numbers. This work is so damned brilliant that no one can even understand it!<\/p>\n

Hey, when you read through our work,\u00a0 do you think your silly little movie about the girl who thinks she can be a real ballerina or the one about the pancake place that changes its name to a burger place really matter? It\u2019s all just \u201ccontent\u201d to us, my love.<\/p>\n

Sure, I could have hired \u201ccreative\u201d people\u00a0 and churned out this stuff on my own, but it’s so much better to have a trophy spouse. I really stand out at the client parties now. Everyone stares! They all want to talk to me! Just take my arm, stay close, smile a lot and make believe you\u2019re listening when their lips move. You must love it when people tell you how pretty you are!<\/p>\n

Do you remember the time we met? It was that project for the U.S. Census. You were so adorable when you said that I \u201cknow how things work in the real world and put things in place that normally people don’t think about.\u201d And how I would never \u201ceclipse\u201d your creativity, but be \u201ccomplementary,\u201d helping you to shore up your \u201cmost ambitious ideas.\u201d<\/p>\n

Darling, I\u2019m so sorry. Your ideas don\u2019t matter. Yes, you said that \u201cmath and magic need each other.\u201d But they don\u2019t. We already had the magic because the magic is in the numbers. It\u2019s all about the algorithms baby! We\u2019re in the age of \u201cBig Data,\u201d not \u201cBig Creative.\u201d<\/p>\n

Please don\u2019t go. I know you\u2019re feeling stifled. I know you\u2019re feeling as if you\u2019re being emotionally abused and have lost sight of who you really are. But I need you! Who will do the content when you\u2019re gone? Sure, I could hire someone else or get remarried, but honestly, that\u2019s so expensive and such a hassle. Let\u2019s avoid all that.<\/p>\n

Okay, okay, I hear you. Yes, I\u2019ll change, baby, I promise. But first could you make the logo bigger and include these six keywords in the copy?<\/p>\n

Love,<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Accenture<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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